The human experience
by WindFromTheNorth
Summary: An innocent girls' night out has unexpected, severe consequences. Can something good come out of everything going wrong? Rated M for disturbing and sexual themes.
1. Leaving

_Note: I do not own anything related to Twilight. Quite obviously._

_Also, I feel compelled to mention that I am not a native English speaker. My apologies for all the grammatic mistakes - and if they bother you, don't read! :-) _

_Hope you'll enjoy my first Twilight story, please leave a review as they are greatly appreciated!_

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**The human experience **

I applied some more lipgloss on my lips and pretended to blow kisses at my reflection. An unrecognizable face stared at me from the mirror on the inside of my closet. This Bella was wearing a black, almost too-tight minidress and her hair was smoothed in soft layers. I felt almost ready; I stuffed my feet into my brand new high heels and tried to banish the look of uncertainty from my face. I turned around and posed playfully for the figure sitting on my bed.

"What do you think?" I asked him, dramatically posing with my left hand behind my head.

Edward let his warm amber eyes wander up and down my length. He got up and walked to me, taking my hand into his own cool one and pulling me close to him. His sudden closeness made me feel slightly dizzy.

"You look... absolutely beautiful. You are without a doubt the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid my eyes on." His words made me blush and he lifted his cool fingers to softly brush against my cheek. I lifted my face up and he bent down to touch my lips softly with his. I felt shivers run through my body, not because of cold but because of pleasure. I wondered how many times he had kissed me during the time we had been together - countless times. Yet my body still reacted just as strongly as it had in the beginning. My heart started beating faster and I felt hotness build up inside of me when his lips moved against mine. I could taste him on my tongue when his mouth explored mine. Every cell in my body yearned to be touched by him, and nothing he was ready to give me could ever be enough before I had him completely - a wish I knew might never even come true, at least if he were to decide.

I wrapped my hands around his shoulders while he lowered his from my hair to my neck and to my waist. The kiss was deeper now, more serious - his lips claimed mine, he held me against himself almost painfully tight, yet not close enough to satisfy my need for him. His hands moved from my waist to my lower back where they lingered for a while when he was kissing me breathless - then, without giving me a warning, his left hand slid slowly, softly, torturingly smoothly, from my back to my stomach and continued lower - he was now caressing my inner thigh through the soft fabric of my dress. Without having the time to rethink I breathed in sharply against his lips, desire pooling inside of me like a den ready to break in a strong current. I regretted it immediately - he pulled his hand quickly away and separated his lips from mine. I opened my eyes, disappointment probably quite evident on my face, because he bent down again to press a soft kiss on my lips. I sighed and turned away from him and back towards the mirror. Surely he wasn't so stupid as to not notice what he was doing to me? Surely he couldn't unintentionally drive me crazy? It just wasn't fair that he could so casually touch me, even this intimately, and then expect me to get over it whenever he thought we were going too far.

I met his eyes in the reflection of the mirror. He smiled slightly to me but the smile didn't completely reach his dark eyes. I sighed again. What ever he was thinking wasn't anything good. I knew how he was feeling about my plans for tonight. He hugged me tightly against himself from behind and rested his jaw against my ear. There was a look on his face I couldn't quite read.

"It's not too late to call Jessica and cancel, you know. I could do it for you if you'd like." His voice was a whisper in my ear.

I pulled away from him, annoyed. It wasn't the first time he had suggested this but after all the arguments we had had during the last two days I had thought he wouldn't have brought it up again. The mere idea of me going out in Seattle without vampire company seemed to shake him to the core. The idea was naturally Jessica's: originally we had been supposed to go to the movies in Port Angeles with a group of girls but when it turned out the tickets had been sold out Lauren had suggested we go to Seattle instead. Seattle was further away so we decided that we might just as well go and do something a bit more special than just watching a movie. Somehow someone (most likely Lauren) suggested we go to this large outdoor party she had heard about. The right to bring a date was brought up as well but since the night was originally supposed to be a girls' night out and since Jessica had just finished with someone it was decided that no boys were allowed to come. This suited me just fine because Charlie had been at my neck again for a week or so, trying to encourage me to spend time with my "other friends" - in other words, anyone whose surname didn't begin with a C - with the only exception being Alice, naturally. Alice was unavailable however, to the dismay of both Charlie and Edward - she was on a shopping trip in New York with Rosalie and wouldn't be returning before Monday. She had kept her eye open for my future though and promised to let Edward know if something alarming was to happen - so far she hadn't seen anything so he had grudgingly agreed to let me go. It hadn't, however, stopped him from trying to convince me to stay home as best as he could.

"Listen, Edward. You can't always be there to watch over me. I think you should just get used to the idea of me going out without you." I was slightly surprised at the bitter tone of my voice. The disappointment was pooling inside of me still - how long would this continue? Would he ever give into the demands of my body, my soul? Would he forever deny me the two things I wanted - _needed_ - more than anything?

"I'm not sure I understand you. Are you planning on making a habit out of this?" he tried to sound careless but I heard the hidden anxiety in his voice. I took the lipgloss out again and applied some on my lips that had been wiped clean by his. He was still looking at me through the mirror, his beautiful face unreadable. I felt a sudden urge to leave the subject alone, because if we were to get into an argument I wouldn't be able to have fun at all tonight. But it was too late - I knew he would start pressing the matter if I wouldn't explain myself. And besides, I _was_ right. And disappointed, for the millionth of a time.

"Well, you know. Since you're planning on keeping me _human,_" I managed to make it sound like a dirty word, "I guess I'll have to start acting like one. You know, all those college parties I have to start attending and all. Graduation isn't that far away, really." I felt perverse satisfaction spiced with guilt seeing emotions flicker in his butterscotch eyes. I guess his list of "all the fun things Bella should do rather than join the eternal damned" didn't include taking part in college parties.

He didn't say anything in a while. He was eyeing me calculatingly but I continued correcting my make-up and tried not to notice. Suddenly I felt him circle his arms around me again. His breath was tickling my ear when he whispered in a soft, seductive tone of voice. "Perhaps, if you'd consider staying home tonight we could come up with some... other things to do." His breath made chills travel down my spine.

He started trailing small kisses along my neck. I stiffened. Was this really the way he was playing? There was absolutely no way he would give me what I wanted just to stop me from going out - he was just playing dirty, suggesting he might give in if I would stay, without really having the intention of giving in. However it was hard to concentrate when he kept on kissing my neck and I lost my trail of thought for a while. I couldn't help but to moan quietly when he tenderly bit my earlobe. I saw the corners of his lips turn slightly upwards. I immediately regained consciousness.

I turned to face him. _Two can play this game_, I though to myself. I pulled his face down for a passionate kiss, my brain constantly working. He seemed to relax a bit, probably certain that I would at any moment now ask him to pull out his cell phone and call Jessica to let her know I was too tired to come or something. I pulled back and smiled devilishly at him. He smiled back at me, oblivious to what was coming. I leaned against the door with him close to me. Then without a warning I grabbed his hand and brought it to cup my left breast. There was a jolt of electricity through my body - I felt heat build up within myself, responding to his involuntary caress. The look on his face turned from surprised to startled and then to pure shock. I felt a blush creep up to my cheeks again but tried not to mind. I had never been this bold before, this straight-forward. He pulled his hand away quickly but I held him against me, pressing my hips again him, still leaning against the door.

"I promise you, Edward, that if you'll take me to that bed right now and make love to me I will not go out tonight or any other night if you don't want me to." I tried to sound confident but my heart was beating too loudly, too nervously, and my voice was barely audible. I couldn't believe I was saying these things, acting this way. He stared at me with hypnotic eyes - I couldn't help but to stare back at him. I waited impatiently, afraid of what was coming next. Please, please, please, please, my body was screaming. _Please, please let him take me to that bed and rip off my clothes and push himself deep into me and take me like he should've taken me a long time ago._

He was silent for a while, examining my face. Then he sighed and said quietly: "I can't, Bella. You know my reasons." He hugged me gently to himself and gave me a kiss on my forehead. I had a feeling of déjà-vu. All this was too familiar: him kissing me like this, so calmly while humiliation and disappointment made my cheeks burn and my eyes water up. How long could I take this? How many times could my self-confidence survive this uncalled-for battering? I shook his arms away, tears building up behind my eyelids. I swallowed them back, raising my jaw up and staring at him stubbornly.

"I guess I should've known you're going to say that no matter what. But I think you're just making up excuses because you're afraid!"

"Bella, of course I am afraid," he said softly. "I'm afraid of what I would be capable of doing to you, losing control. I might bite you, I might crush you to death –"

"Then bite me, I don't care!" I exclaimed. "Any fate, any pain is better than being constantly denied what I need – I don't know if you notice it yourself, but you always give me false expectations and pull back at the last minute and it makes me feel so - so – _worthless!_ "

He looked unsure of what to do. It felt awkward to stand like this so I walked over to my bed, sat down and buried my head into my hands. I didn't hear him move but it seemed like I had barely sat down when he was already next to me, not quite daring to touch me.

"You know I have nothing but respect for you, Bella. I understand your feelings and agree that I should stop leading you on like this. I simply find it hard to _not _kiss you, to not hold you.. and the more I give into my desires the more reluctant I am to ever let go. But I _must._"

"Why is it always you who has the control over me, over us both? If you really love me, why can't you just change me then? If I wasn't this breakable we wouldn't need to have this conversation right now! If I was like you are you wouldn't need to hold back." I sounded bitter again. I felt ridiculous all of a sudden, wearing my dress and my makeup - things that were supposed to make their wearer feel sexy, appealing, powerful. I didn't feel like any of these things. I felt like a clown.

Edward ran his hand through his hair, like I'd noticed he often did when aggravated. "You should know by now that my decisions about this matter have nothing to do with me not loving you enough. In fact it's the exact opposite – I love you too much to allow you to make decisions you would regret with time. You deserve something better than having to damn yourself into this existence just because you think you want me now. You're too young to make decisions like that, Bella. How can you really know it's me that you want?"

There was a ringing silence in the room. I was staring at him with wide eyes. I couldn't speak. Was he really stupid enough to think that after everything that had happened last year, after all the pain we had gone through, I still didn't want _him_?

"Well, maybe tonight I'm going to find out what other options I have." I said coldly, grabbing my purse from the dresser.

We were still staring at each other when the doorbell rang. I could feel his gaze on my back when I left the room and went to open up the door. It was Angela. She smiled brightly and I forced a smile on my face.

"Hey Bella! The girls are waiting in the car. Could I borrow your bathroom quickly?" she asked me.

"Go ahead," I said with a monotone voice and let her pass.

"Oh hi, Edward," I heard Angela greet him in the stairway. He answered politely and came down. His face was a calm mask which only aggravated me further – I was sure my inner turmoil was written all over my face, yet he could always look so collected, making it impossible to read him. He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it over to me. It was a cell phone.

"Please keep this with you and call me if there's any trouble. I would also appreciate it if you would give me a call when you're about to leave Seattle." His voice was just as pleasant and collected as the look on his face. For a moment I considered not accepting the phone but instead just took it from his hand and put it into my purse without saying anything. He kissed me gently on the lips but I didn't return the kiss. I heard Angela come down and turned towards her. She smiled at the both of us.

"What a shame you couldn't come with us, Edward. I wished Ben could've come as well, but I guess it's not fair to the other girls if everyone doesn't have a date."

Edward smiled at her. "Just have a fun night, girls. And be careful."

I still didn't say anything. I think Angela sensed something was off but she kept on smiling radiantly. I opened the door and we all stepped outside at the same time. Jessica's mother's blue Ford was outside of the yard, blocking the way out for Edward's Volvo. We walked over to Jessica and Lauren who were waiting inside the car. I could hear Edward shutting the door of the Volvo and within a second he had already started the car.

"Hey Jessica, Lauren." I greeted them both.

"Hey Bella! What a great dress, what do you think about mine?" Jessica was wearing a tight orange dress with glittery parts here and there, with a black leather belt tied around her waist and huge earrings hanging from her earlobes. Lauren had, to my surprise, dressed up rather elegantly: her dress was dark gray and simply cut, with her hair tied up on a knot at her neck.

"You both look very nice." I complimented. Jessica beamed at me and Lauren raised her eyebrow. Jessica was driving; she started the car and pulled out into the driveway. The silver Volvo followed. The girls were happily chatting away while I couldn't take my eyes off of the left side mirror, where I could see the reflection of his car. Jessica was driving rather quickly and carelessly, not really paying any attention to the road. She turned left towards the road to Seattle and sped up. Lauren was trying to find a good radio channel and settled for something speedy. Angela was staring out of the car window. I looked into the mirror again. The Volvo was still there; for a moment I wondered if he was intending to follow us all the way to Seattle before I remembered that this is the road he had to take to get home anyway. And true enough, when we passed by the unnoticeable turn that led to the Cullen's home the Volvo turned right and disappeared from the sight. Lauren looked over her shoulder.

"Is that where he lives?" she asked, her voice curious.

"Yeah," I said.

"What's his house like?" she asked. Jessica's eyes met mine in the mirror and her face was curious as well. I had to think for a while what to answer.

"Well, it's white, large and very beautiful. Edward's mother likes to decorate, so the interior is mostly her doing. They designed the house together, though."

"What, from the scratch?" Jessica asked. "Even the kids?"

"I guess so, I don't know really." I admitted. Everyone was quiet for a while. It was starting to get dark outside, the sky's color turning from orange to purple. It was clear for a change, there were still clouds on the sky but the sun had descended underneath them and the sea of clouds looked rather pretty in the light. I missed Edward already, but at the same time couldn't erase his words from my head.

"_You're too young to make decisions like that, Bella. How can you really know it's me that you want?"_'

Was that really what was bothering him? My age? Maybe if our relationship was a bit more usual I could agree with him, but there was no doubt in my mind that without him I would surely die from a broken heart. Young or not, I knew what I needed and it could never be someone else.

I was disturbed from my thoughts by my purse vibrating. It was the cell phone Edward had given me. I pulled it out and looked at the caller: Edward. No surprise there. I was about to press the answer- button when something stopped me. A devilish side of me wanted him to sit at home waiting for me, wondering whether or not I was having fun with someone else. Wasn't that basically what he had told me to do? It only took me a moment to decide against answering; instead I put it back into my purse where I could feel it continue to vibrate. I'll call him when we get to the party, I promised myself. It can't hurt him to wait for an hour and a half can it?

The road was dark now. Every once in a while the front window was drummed by a light rain shower which worried the girls a little: the party was supposed to be outdoors. Jessica was intimidated by driving in the city so she asked if someone else wanted to drive instead – I couldn't remember the last time I had been driving inside a city (nowadays I didn't seem to do much driving anyway, city or no city, because Edward was very reluctant to let anyone besides him drive). None of the girls seemed too eager to drive but eventually Lauren agreed to do it and so we stopped at a gas station and changed drivers. Angela and the others got up to get some fresh air but I sat in the car, staring at the gloomy sky, missing Edward. When had I become like this? I'm sure I had had some good times in my life before meeting him, times that I couldn't really even remember now: even some boys I had used to look at – but only look at, because that was as far as I ever got with them. Just looking. A bit like with Edward, I suddenly realized. After all this time we had been together, apart from kissing and cuddling and talking about love, I had never actually gotten anywhere with him. Would I ever get to experience the love instead of just talking about it? Would we forever remain like this? It was strange and ironic, I thought humourlessly, how Edward was trying to protect me from a fate he seemed to think was so horrible: from never going forwards, just staying in place forever, unchanging. And yet, here I was; unable to go back, unable to go forwards. Forever doomed to live a life in between of two worlds that I could never completely belong to.

I had a sudden urge to call him, to hear his angelic voice telling me things I needed to hear, things that would make me feel good again. I imagined calling him and asking him to come and get me. He would be here in half an hour with his maniac driving speed, and he would look at me with his sympathetic beautiful eyes and I would melt into them like I always did, and let him take me home and cradle me in his arms while I slept. The temptation to be in his arms again was so great that I dug out my phone and was about to choose his number when I stopped myself again. I couldn't quite put my finger on it – something was slightly off, a faint feeling buried underneath all my longing for Edward that was telling me to wait for tomorrow to see him. I looked at the screen – 4 unanswered calls from Edward Cullen. It was so like him to add the surname behind his first name even though he quite clearly knew he was the only Edward who was or ever would be found on that phone.

I hesitated for a while and then I turned the phone off. His name disappeared from the screen and I let it fall onto my lap. What was wrong with me today? I looked up and noticed for the first time that the girls weren't standing next to the car anymore. My heart started pounding faster in my chest. What was going on? I got up and opened the car door, scanning the surroundings in panic. It was dark now, the lights of the gas station too bright – I couldn't see outside of the circle of light I was surrounded by. There was only one person outside of the station, a young dark-haired man who was smoking a cigarette and leaning against the wall. I stared at him, suspicious – his skin was quite pale but was he pale enough to be a vampire? Could vampires smoke? With a start I realized I didn't know. I stared at him intently, not quite seeing his face. Then he moved a bit and I relaxed – his gestures were too human. And dragging three girls off quietly and coming back for a quick cigarette, all within a minute, would be quite of a task for any regular guy. The door of the shop opened and someone came out: another young man with light brown hair followed quickly by a man wearing a dark blue hood over his hair. The guy who was smoking threw his cigarette to the ground and left with the two others. They disappeared into the darkness and I was alone again. I got out of the car, but before I could actually decide what to do the shop door opened again and the girls came out. I sighed in relief and relaxed.

I leaned against the car door, now annoyed with myself for always thinking the worst. All this time spent running around with vampires (sometimes rather literally) had made me too paranoid.

. "Where did you go?" I demanded, trying to sound all casual and failing. Jessica giggled a little and threw a meaningful glance at Lauren. I noticed for the first time that Lauren was carrying a green plastic bag. She raised it up to show me and shook it a bit; there was a clinking sound coming from within. I stared at her for a moment, trying to understand what they meant by looking at me with such "don't you get it" kind of faces. Angela looked a little unhappy standing behind them; as always she was a bit of an outsider, just like me. There was a small crease of worry on her forehead when she was eyeing the clinking plastic bag. Then it clicked.

I drew in a sharp breath. "Did you buy alcohol?"

I wasn't entirely shocked to find out they had attempted to buy alcohol; I was more surprised about the fact that they had actually succeeded.

"Lauren bought it," Jessica said sounding quite admiring. Lauren looked rather satisfied with herself. I still had some questions.

"But how? You weren't exactly 21 years old the last time I checked." _Unless you had to redo the same school year quite a few times to pass_, I added in my thoughts. "Do you have a fake ID or something?" I was trying to think. Did Lauren have older sisters she could borrow ID's from or something? I had no idea: I had never actually had anything that could pass as a real conversation with her.

"No, I just went to the counter and bought it. Nobody asked me for an ID," Lauren explained. "I think they just don't care in a place like this." I scanned her over, trying to look at her with the eyes of a stranger. Yes, perhaps she could pass for 21 or at least close enough if you didn't know her. Her sophisticated outfit made her look more mature than she was. I could only assume Jessica had been nowhere near her when she had bought the bottles – she looked closer to fifteen than 21 in her frilly, glittery dress.

I met Angela's worried eyes behind Lauren's head when we climbed back into the car and could tell she wasn't happy about the unexpected turn of events. I could see from her face that she had started to regret coming with us. At the very moment she was probably dreaming of being at home, nicely huddled up to Ben, watching a movie and eating popcorn on a comfy couch. Lauren had taken over the driver's seat and Jessica was blabbing on about how much fun we'd be having tonight while fighting to open the bottle of wine she had dug out from the plastic bag. She finally managed and took a gulp of wine. She offered some to Lauren who shook her head. "I'll drink later, once we get to the city. I don't want to drink and drive. But this way I'll sober up before we head back." I wasn't exactly following her logic but Jessica just shook her shoulders indifferently and took another gulp. She first offered the bottle to Angela who shook her head in declination and then to me. I didn't know what to do. I was a police officer's daughter; I knew I shouldn't and I knew all the reasons why. But I was also curious. I hesitated only for a second before accepting the bottle and taking a gulp. It wasn't good wine, probably the cheapest brand they had found. It tasted too sweet in my mouth, it made me feel slightly nauseous. I exchanged a quick glance with Angela, but couldn't really read her face.

Lauren turned the car stereo on. I leaned my now burning face against the cool window glass and thought about Edward. He wouldn't approve, I knew. I also wondered if Alice would see this in a vision. Maybe, but probably wouldn't tell Edward because nothing bad was about to happen, because she knew just as well as I did that he would worry.

It had started to rain a bit more now. It felt like we were driving alone in the middle of nothingness – the sound of the rain and the music from the stereos blocked out all noise from the outside. I closed my eyes. I missed him so much already. There was also another feeling – a feeling of rebellion I had barely been aware of before. Wasn't this a part of being a human, too? Doing silly, forbidden things? Testing one's limits? Making mistakes? Growing up? What kind of a life was ahead of me when I wasn't allowed to throw it away to become a vampire – but I wasn't allowed, it wasn't _possible, _for me to live a normal carefree life either? What would Edward's role be in my life? My boyfriend, my lover, someone who would love me in words only but never in flesh? Someone who would stand in between me and harm – but also between me and life? I felt tears well up behind my eyelids and fought against them. I took another sip at the wine. It didn't taste half as bad this time. There was a sound of Jessica opening another bottle on the background. The stereo was blasting. In my head things started to make sense, I knew the course my life had already started heading for. I would never be completely happy because I knew there would be an end to the happy days. I would always be counting. But I couldn't choose another way of living because my whole being knew I could never choose anything or anyone over Edward. I had no other options and never would – except for tonight.

Tonight I could be and do anything I wanted. Tonight I could be just one of the girls. Tonight I wouldn't have to give up Edward to do it – I would only have to give up Bella.


	2. Who gets in?

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight._

_Note: Things are getting more serious... I would like to remind everyone to NOT continue reading this story if you are sensitive/ not old enough. The rest of you, enjoy the result of my sleepless night! :-)_

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We started seeing posters advertising the party already on the outskirts of Seattle. "The biggest outdoor party of the year – free drink upon entrance – outdoor dancing – young and carefree crowd – come and give in to the feeling." Jessica was drunk – she was making sounds of delight at every poster. Even Angela seemed cheer up a little at the sight of them. I was tipsy but Lauren seemed to keep her cool - or maybe she was sulking about something. It was hard to tell with her. There was a strange sensation of lightness, of clarity, in my body and head. Every poster we passed looked like a private invitation to freedom, freedom that was coming closer by the second. The city was crowded with cars and occasionally we got stuck in the traffic but it didn't matter to me – I felt like I would've been comfortable sitting in this car forever, driving through the dark city where the lights from other cars occasionally lit up the dark alleys we drove past. There was a certain familiarity in it: a big city pulsating life and full of people even in nighttime with seething rain dripping down from the sky. It reminded me of Phoenix: of the choking warmth of the air, the people roaming the streets, the promise of opportunities and chances waiting around the corner - an atmosphere that smaller cities lacked. I felt at home here. I was wondering if Edward would mind moving in here. It would be easy to blend in, to live a life without having to fear about someone being too close-sighted or clever. In a city like this no-one ever was: a person you pass by on the street remains just that – a person on a street. Not someone you would get curious about, be it a transvestite, a single father or a vampire. Yes, that's a word I had always found to my liking; blending in. I thought about it for a minute, dreaming away; trying to imagine our life together. But the fight we had had earlier was like a paper cut on a finger; small, fleeting but bothersome. So I decided to push him out of my mind altogether.

Eventually we made it to the party area. It was on the outskirts of the town, on an area I wouldn't have liked to walk around in alone. There were large warehouse-type buildings with spacious yards. Some of the warehouses were still used as warehouses but seemed like a part of them had been transformed into band practice spaces, nightclubs and some sort of lunch canteens for the workmen working in there during the daytime. It reminded me of the night Edward had saved me from the men who had been following me around. I wondered briefly what had happened to them. Hopefully they had ended up in jail eventually.

There were others heading the same way as we were. Happy looking people were driving in front and behind us and some of them were walking towards the same way, carrying bottles in their hands, dancing, kissing and having fun. I was happy to be a part of them tonight. Lauren started drinking too, probably figuring that since we were driving slowly enough to pass as walking it wouldn't matter if she would. I was feeling too content to complain and Angela probably didn't even notice because she was busy writing a text message to someone, most likely to Ben. I felt a bit bad for her; probably she wasn't having much fun. It was still raining but the air seemed unusually warm nevertheless; people were wearing t-shirts and shorts. I was trying to see through the steamy haze of the windows – all I could see was darkness. I gave up and drank a bit more. And then, after a moment, Lauren pulled into a parking lot and turned to look at us with a gleam in her eyes – we had finally arrived to our destination.

My legs felt strangely shaky underneath me when I stumbled out of the car, rather ungraciously. My head was spinning a bit, and I laughed a little at the strange sensation of lightheadedness that had possessed me. It was warm but humid outside. The humidity made me shiver after a while even though I wasn't cold. I looked around myself. The building we were standing in front of looked like any other warehouse: big, rusty, angular. The parking lot around us was dark. The party seemed to be on the other side of the building because the dark shapes of people were getting out of their cars and walking that way. Lauren was the last one to come out of our car – she was still drinking, trying to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible, I assumed. Tonight it seemed like we could be friends – her flaws didn't bother me quite as much. Perhaps because I was committing the same crimes as she was which basically means I couldn't judge her as harshly tonight as I normally would have. We set off the same way as everyone else.

"I'm so excited!" Jessica goshed to Angela who didn't look excited in the slightest but smiled her little smile anyway, as usual. Lauren was correcting her make up with a small pocket mirror. After she was done she turned to us.

"Okay girls, just remember, try to not act drunk because it's a party open for minors as well – which is the reason why we're going, too – and you might not get in if you do."

"Sure, sure, let's go!" Jessica giggled and grabbed my arm. She was slurring slightly.

We started heading off to the entrance. We could hear the beat of the music pulsating from somewhere but saw nothing. Then we turned the corner.

"Oh, no!" Lauren breathed behind me. On the yard, a huge, dark tent stood like a skeleton with pieces of meat hanging from its bones - the canvas was sadly wrinkly and hammered low by the rain. There was a queue to the door – no one was outside, no one was dancing. The music was coming from inside, not from the outside. There was a crowd hanging outside of the doors, talking to the doorman.

"What's going on?" Jessica wondered. "Is the party cancelled?"

"It's not cancelled, it's just been moved indoors." A helpful guy standing next to us answered her question. "Because of the rain, you know. It might get really bad later."

Now that I looked closer the people hanging out were actually queuing for the door. Everything looked very unorganized though; seemed like instead of a line there were several. People were constantly stepping out of the line to smoke and trying to skip the line to get back. People were bickering and laughing.

"Oh, ok. Thanks." Jessica flashed a smile at the guy and then turned back to us. "I guess we're going in anyway. Much better this way, my hair is already getting ruined in the rain." And she stepped into the line, behind the helpful guy who was eyeing her hopefully. But Lauren pulled her back again.

"Listen, we have a problem." She pointed at the door. We all turned to stare at where her finger was pointing at. She was pointing either at the door or at the bouncer. I searched but saw nothing out of ordinary. Angela turned back towards her.

"I don't get it. What's the problem?"

Lauren looked annoyed. She sighed and lowered her hand. Then she spoke again, almost whispering. "Look again. He's checking people's ID's!"

I turned to look at him again and saw that she was right. The fuzzy warm feeling disappeared immediately. We couldn't get in – we didn't have ID's. We didn't have the required age. Now that I looked around myself I also noticed that people didn't look all that young – some of the people in there were closer to forty than our age.

"But how is it possible?" Angela asked from no one in particular.

"I thought minors were allowed!" Jessica said.

I didn't really know how to feel. Just a while ago I had been excited about going to the party, but now when it had gotten a bit harder than we had thought I would've been rather happy if Edward would've pulled up next to us onto the yard right now and told me to get in. Or would've I?

Lauren seemed to be thinking. She was looking at the door, eyeing the people going in.

"Okay, so we're going in anyway." she said with a firm tone of voice. We all turned to look at her like she was mad. An annoyed voice in the back of my head was wondering who died and made her boss.

"Well think about it. We can totally get in," she continued. "We already managed to buy wine. We have dressed up. We are in the company of older people. I'm sure we can get in." she sounded like she really believed in what she was saying. I wasn't quite as certain she was right. The bouncer was big, muscular and intimidating in his black clothes, and his big, thin-lipped face certainly didn't suggest he was the kind of a guy who would let us in out of pity or kindness. Lauren stepped back into the line looking like someone who's made their decision and intends to stick to it. When no one seemed to be following her she sighed theatratically and pulled Angela to stand next to her. I looked at Jessica. She glanced at me indecisively but then shrugged her shoulders and stepped into the line. I didn't really have any other option but to follow. The line started to form behind us, someone bumped into me from behind. I felt slightly nauseous, maybe because of the alcohol or nervousness. I watched the bouncer's eyes scan people's ID's from underneath a pair of dark, thick eyebrows. How humiliating would it be, exactly, if -and when - we didn't get in? What would be our excuse?_ Oh, we must've forgotten our ID's into the car... _

Lauren seemed completely at ease, re-checking her make-up from the compact mirror. Next to her, Angela was nervously trying to smooth her hair. Jessica didn't seem to mind, she was clearly just going with the flow, her eyes absent. Maybe she was right - either we would end up getting to the club or in the worst case scenario we would just have to leave the property with red faces. The thought gave me some comfort; it's not like we knew anyone from Seattle anyway. I tried to relax while the bouncer slowly drifted closer and closer, or rather, we drifted closer to him following the flow of people who got in and disappeared behind the ominous graffitized doors.

"Hey, what's your name, beautiful?" I looked up, surprised. It was some guy who was standing in front of us in the line. He seemed to belong to the same group as the helpful guy who had seemed interested in Jessica. Except that this guy seemed to have taken an interest in me rather than Jessica. He pushed himself in between of our group - I saw Lauren looking annoyed when he bumped into her on his way towards me. I took an automatic step back when he pushed his face close to mine. His breath smelled of alcohol. His face was ugly and the pores on his nose were staring at me like little black eyes when his face came closer towards me than I would've wanted it to. I almost tripped over, trying to back off as far as possible. Then he stopped - the helpful guy from the line had followed him and grabbed his arm.

"Easy now, Chris. You don't want to cause a scene before we're even inside the club",he warned him. Chris turned to him, mumbling something incomprehensible. He was still throwing glances at me over his shoulder. I let out a breath I had unconsciously been holding in and noticed I had grabbed Jessica's hand. Her face was white and she looked scared. I felt a wave of late panic wash over me - where had I gotten myself into? Why had I so gladly agreed to go along with this insanity? What exactly was waiting for us inside those doors besides dozens of men like Chris here? Men, not boys, because underaged customers weren't allowed in. I was swimming in deeper waters than I had prepared myself for.

The bouncer was looking directly at our group now - more accurately, he was staring at the guy who had talked to me earlier. The last people before our groups vanished inside and he crossed his arms, looking like a huge black bear, blocking the way inside.

"You! I think I made it clear last night that you are not allowed in to this club, ever again. Step out of the line." He directed his words to the guy called Chris. He looked even more intimidating from close up. Chris stared up at him with unfocused, cloudy eyes.

"Oh, c'mon pal, just lemme in. I'm fine today", he stammered.

"Yeah well, I can tell you that the mirror you crashed is not fine, nor is the other guy - the one who is now sporting a broken nose and several stitches on his jaw. So get out of my face."

"We guarantee that he will act all proper tonight", some other guy from their group joined in, but didn't sound too enthusiastic. He was exchanging meaningful looks with the helpful guy; it was clear this turn of events didn't come as a surprise to them.

"Isn't that just darling... you can go in and leave your friend behind or you can stay outside with him. Your choice." And the bouncer turned towards us. I could tell that Lauren who was the first in the line froze to her tracks when the bouncer's gaze swept over her. I held my breath as well while he scanned over her. He nodded once. She hurried inside like not quite believing her luck, quickly telling us that she would meet us at the bar. Angela was next. Would she have a chance? She hadn't put on a lot of makeup nor had she dressed up all that much but whatever points she would lose from that she would surely regain in height. She had always been really tall and nowadays could easily pass for a model with her length.

While she was being scanned, Jessica, who was still holding my hand, suddenly pushed me forwards, in front of her. I turned to look - her face was pale as milk and her eyes huge. I could tell that she was freaking out. I glanced at Angela - just to find she wasn't there anymore, which meant she had successfully gotten in as well. So now it was just me and Jessica. And all of a sudden, standing next to the bouncer I just _knew _that we wouldn't get in. He looked extraordinarily tall standing next to me. I automatically corrected my pose, and looked him straight in the eyes and gave him a slightly flirtatious smile (or at least that's what I hoped it looked like). I realised while I was doing so that this was probably how someone like Alice would've been acting in a situation similiar to mine. Except that I didn't have her charm, beauty or her obvious wealth - nothing to really fool the bouncer with. I felt like something had changed tonight - I was doing things and acting in a manner that I normally wouldn't have dreamed of. I felt like it wasn't really me, but someone else in my place; someone brave, someone sensual. Another Bella, someone I could be if only _he _would give in...

The bouncer seemed to stare at me for an eternity and then, to my huge relief, nodded. I almost tripped over the treshold trying to hurry in. I turned to look behind before going through the door - and froze. Jessica looked scared and small standing in front of the bouncer, and so incredibly childish wearing her orange frilly dress. Her posture was slumped and uncertain - she wasn't looking at the bouncer but at me. And when the bouncer shook his head and motioned for her to move aside she was still looking at me like a child asking for help.

"Your ID, please," the bouncer asked her. She was clearly shaking when she started to go through her purse, trying to look like she was searching for it. The line behind her was whispering, looking at her condescendingly. She was biting her lip in panic, rummaging through her purse, trying to think what to say. I felt myself move.

"Jessica, let's go." I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the line. I could feel everyone's eyes on my back but I didn't care. She followed me when I led us towards the metal steps on the far right. I sat her down and exhaustedly sat next to her on the wet and cold metal. Shivering, I realized we hadn't brought out jackets. Jessica was still biting her lip.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I just freaked out! I mean, I've never tried anything like this before. And look at my dress." She gestured towards her clothes. "I mean, I think normally I could pass as older than you at least..." Then she looked at me from the corner of her eye. "I mean, no offence, it's just that...well, you know."

I wasn't offended.

"We should go and get the jackets from the car and then come back to wait for the girls to come looking for us," I suggested. "I don't think they will stay for long, once we don't show up at the bar."

Jessica nodded and got up. She huddled, encircling her arms around herself. The rain was making our hair fuzzy and our skin slick - I was actually thinking it might be better to just wait in the car once we got there. She went through her purse again. Then she froze.

"What is it?" I asked, stopping as well. She raised her face towards me.

"I don't have the keys." She said.

I stared.

"Lauren must still have them. She was the one driving the car last."

I was still staring. That was bad news. What if the girls didn't come out? Would we have to stay here for hours, waiting for them?

"What should we do?" Jessica whispered, looking at me. I realized that this time it was me who had to be the boss. I needed to decide for the both of us. And then it hit me, an answer so simple and clear that I could've cried out of relief.

"I could just call Edward and ask him to come and give us a ride back home. And then we could leave a note on your car and tell Lauren and Angela to drive it back home, if we don't see them before."

Jessica didn't look convinced that leaving her mom's car behind was a good idea. But she then she sighed. "Okay, call him. It's going to take him a while to get here anyway - we can wait for the girls and probably they will come out before he arrives, and then we can just drive my mom's car and you can go with Edward."

I felt a mixture of emotions; thankfulness about the fact that Edward had given me the cell phone earlier. Irritation because I needed to rely on him as always - couldn't I really manage without him for one damn night? I was sure he had already forgiven me: he always did, no matter how badly or rudely I was behaving towards him. But had I forgiven him? Could I? Could I forget the words that had made me leave so abruptly; his irrational musings about my capacity to make sensible decisions when it came to our relationship? _How can you really know it's me that you want?_ How ridiculous. Was he trying to interest me in someone else? The thought made me angry. I could _never_ be interested in anyone else. Why couldn't he just get that?

"Bella? Um, maybe you should call him straight away? It's going to take him, like, eternities to get here anyway." I crash-landed back to reality when Jessica's voice pulled me back from my musings. It seemed like I had been staring at some bald guy's back for ages after we had agreed to call Edward without actually making a move to get my phone out of my purse. Alcohol really seemed to have a stupifying effect. I sighed and fought the purse's zipper open, starting to look for the phone with my fingers stiffened by the cold.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I cursed. Jessica looked at me, surprised. I barely ever used foul language. But now if ever was an appropriate time to use some. I met her worried gaze.

"I don't have my phone, Jessica. It's in your car."

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_Note: I love cliffhangers. _

_I know there's been quite a few people reading this story, but so far I haven't received many reviews. I would really like to know what people think. Plus it's always nice to receive reviews! So please leave a review and stay tuned for more! :-)_


	3. Trouble

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight._

_Note: A lot of thanks for those who have reviewed and added me to their favourite stories and story alerts! :) _

_I am sorry about the chapters getting shorter, but I promise I will make them longer eventually. This one and the next chapter are a bit shorter than average. But then off to lighter subjects...and to some rather sexy ones ; )_

_Enjoy!_

And there the phone was, indeed: safely behind the glass of Jessica's mom's Ford. My phone was, ironically enough, resting on top of my jacket on the back seat, whereas me and Jessica were huddling up, soaked and cold - and jacketless - on the other side of the glass. I had no idea what to do. It was raining hard now and the unusually pleasant warmth of the evening was quickly disappearing. We had waited for Angela and Lauren but they hadn't showed up, which either meant they were too drunk to notice we hadn't showed up, or just thought we had gotten lost into the huge warehouse-like nightclub. I was worried - I hoped they were okay and not getting into trouble with any guys like Chris. I was worried for our sakes as well. The parking lot was almost empty now, only a couple of early leavers getting into their cars every now and then. The darkness between the cars and the sound of the footsteps on the wet ground whenever someone showed up around the corner made me jumpy.

"Listen, Jessica, maybe I should queue again to get in, find the girls and drag them out?" I suggested, just because I felt like we needed to do something. Actually I didn't believe I had much of a chance getting back in now that the bouncer had seen me leave with an underaged normally bubbly Jessica had been quiet and moody every since we had noticed the absence of my phone, and this new Jessica was easy but depressing to hang out with. Now she just shook her shoulders indecisively. I grabbed her hand into mine and pulled her after me when I started making my way back towards the entrance.

The line was way shorter than before, I noticed thankfully. And on top of that there was a new bouncer at the door; a younger, less intimidating guy. Maybe he would let us both in, I thought hopefully, pulling Jessica into the line as well. I turned towards her:

"Okay, I really think we can do this - you just seriously need some self-confidence. Don't shy away, just look at him in the eyes and, I don't know... picture him naked or something." Jessica even smiled a little at my poor joke. The rain had smudged her eye makeup and her hair was flattened by the rain. Maybe it was better than looking like she had been preparing herself a lot. I didn't even dare to think what I looked like. Probably like I had swam all the way here.

After standing in the line for about ten minutes I checked my watch. It said it was already half past twelve - we had been planning on staying till quarter past two at the latest. Maybe the plans had changed now, though: the good case scenario would be that the girls would come out to look for us earlier. The bad case scenario was that the girls, upon not finding us from the club, would just stay there waiting for us to show up eventually. I was so anxious worrying over what would happen to us that I didn't even notice us moving forwards, until all of a sudden we were right underneath the bouncer's nose. He barely looked at us before nodding us in - we hurried inside without quite believing our luck. There was a counter next to the doors on the inside; we paid 15 dollars each to get in, got a stamp on the back of our hand and a voucher for a free drink. Then we stepped in the second pair of doors.

It was loud inside. Really, really loud. I clasped my hands over my ears. There was a lot of people, it felt like there was someone pushing me from every side. And strangely, all the desire to leave vanished from me. We were in, we had succeeded in what we had originally come here for. What did it matter if we didn't know where Angela and Lauren were? They had to be somewhere inside and sooner or later we would run into them. I took Jessica's hand again and pulled her behind myself, pushing the mass of people apart while trying to make our way deeper inside. She stumbled willingly behind me, still stupified by surprise at our good luck.

Seemed like the warehouse had been divided into three separate areas, each with their own dance floor and bar. I tried to keep my eyes open for someone familiar, trying to see over people's shoulders. It proved to be a worthless effort. There were simply too many people and it was too dark. It was uncomfortably hot and the people were sweating all around me, making my already wet skin feel clammy and my hair stick to my neck. The lights were flashing disturbingly from the dance floor, making everything seem surreal and slow. I somewhat recognized the song they were playing; it was a modernized remix of an old song that my mom had used to listen to when I was young - I tried to remember what it was, but the heavy beat confused me.

I led us towards the bar, figuring that a water might do us both good. The bartenders were skillfully mixing drinks and serving the crowd around the bar. People were leaning over the counter trying to attract their attention, waving bills in their hands. We would have to wait. Jessica was moving along the music, quite clearly enjoying herself. I couldn't help it; I started moving a little as well, carefully making sure I wouldn't trip on anything. Luckily there wasn't enough room for any tripping anyway - the solid mass of people would hold me on my feet even if I would fall. After a while I stopped worrying. We weren't the only people who were dancing outside of the dance floor, which resulted in a lot of pushing around. I didn't really mind. I had never experienced anything like this, had never been to a club, not even to a party where people would've danced like this - so free, so carefree. The atmosphere was catching, the moment captivated me - I couldn't think, I couldn't worry. I felt completely at ease with myself and with the world around me, a sensation so alien that I barely recognized it. _This evening really is full of firsts_, I though to myself. _Maybe it's healthy to shake things up a bit every once in a while._

Jessica swiftly found a dance partner for herself; a brown haired guy in a white t-shirt who had been dancing behind her. His friend tried to befriend me by wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and pressing himself against me - I froze immediately and pushed his hands away. He was laughing and it irritated me for some reason. I turned away from him but couldn't keep on dancing anymore. Instead I approached the bar again, trying to catch a waiter's attention. There were less people now, most people had moved on to the dancefloor, where they were now dancing with drinks in their hands, trying their best to not to spill. The dance floor looked inviting to me even if I didn't feel like dancing anymore: there was water spraying down on the dancers every once in a while. They were lifting their faces towards the ceiling, welcoming the cool droplets. I was waving my hand in front of the waiter, eager for my water now. The same guy who had tried to dance with me came to stand next to me and waved his hand as well - to my irritation he immediately caught the attention of a waitress who had just finished with her previous customer. He turned towards me. His hair was dark and his face broad; there was something familiar about him.

"What would you like?" he asked me, almost yelling over the music. His voice was nasal. I shook my head.

"Nothing thanks. I want to order for myself and I'll just drink water anyway."

He turned back towards the waitress. "She wants a White Russian and a water. And a Guinness for me." She nodded and started working. I stared at the guy with my mouth slightly open.

"I said I didn't want anything." I was feeling really, really uncomfortable. I wanted nothing to do with this guy, least of all for him to buy me a drink. I had some serious issues with people buying me stuff: I didn't want to feel like I owed them anything. And especially this was the case if that somebody should be some random guy at a bar, whose idea of a hello was groping my waist. He laughed again, irritating me further.

"Don't worry, it's on me." The waitress gave him the drinks and he gave her a bill before I had the time to react. He turned back to me, holding a glass with my drink and a bottle of water.

"No thanks, I don't want them." I said and turned away, figuring that the best way to get rid of him was to simply leave; however he grabbed my arm and held me still. I really, _really_ started to dislike this guy. I turned back towards him with an experated sigh, trying to shake his hand away. There was a strange look in his eyes... I couldn't really understand it. It made me nervous. He held his grip, and my heart started beating faster. Even though we were surrounded by people I felt irrationally afraid of him. I backed away and shook my hand again and to my surprise and relief this time he let go.

"Just take the drinks. I'm not going to drink them anyway." He said, sounding irritated. I was so relieved that he had let me go that I took the drinks from his hands. He turned, grabbing his beer from the counter, giving me one last annoyed glance and then left, disappearing into the croud on the dancefloor. _Thank God_, I thought. I was briefly considering drinking the White Russian but decided against it - I was already crashing down. I took a giant gulp of the water - the cork had already been removed by the waitress. I felt tired, and ready to go home. The alcohol was wearing off, the brief sensation of happiness had disappeared and I knew it had disappeared for good. I was suddenly scared of the people, scared of the club. I missed the safety of Forks. I started worrying about Angela and Lauren. We should find them, I decided and started walking, pushing through people to get to the point where I had left Jessica - just to notice she wasn't there. I glanced around myself wildly - she was nowhere to be seen. People were still dancing all around me, figures that looked so identical in the darkness. I felt sick - where could she be? The room was spinning in my eyes, the music was too loud in my ears. I started moving quicker, pushing people rudely out of my way. I was panicking. Had she gone with the guy she had danced with? That guy had been friends with the other guy, the guy who had bought me the drinks. The thought worried me. The feeling of sickness got worse; I was sweating in the heat. I took another gulp of the water and started to turn back. The people around me were like a vast sea - I felt drowning, too small in the hugeness of the warehouse. And all of a sudden the feeling of sickness multiplied - it became physical. I realized I was about to throw up. I dropped the glass of White Russian and felt the glass shatter when it hit the floor - I clasped a hand over my mouth and ran, ran as quickly as I could to the only place I could think of. Outside, to fresh air. I pushed people violently out of my way and finally made it to the door. I barely made it outside - past the bouncer who looked at me with his eyebrows high, and past the now-short queue of people who stared at me with a mix of pity and shock - before I vomited on the asphalt next to the door. I sank to my knees, tears streaming down my cheeks as I was sick again. It was oddly quiet outside in comparison to the loudness of indoors - I could hear people making disgusted and pitying noises behind me. I tried to move, but I had no power left in my limbs. My entire body was shaking.

When I tried to unsuccesfully collect myself I felt someone shake my shoulder. I was too tired to turn my head. _God, let it be Edward_, my mind was begging. _Let it be Edward._ Nothing made any sense. He was the only thought in my mind. The tears were streaming down my cheeks still but now for a different reason. I was crying over my stupidness, over the whole fucking night that had gone so horribly wrong. I was crying because I missed Edward, I missed the feeling of protection, of love, that were surrounding me every time he was near.

The someone who had shaken my shoulder helped me up. I was leaning on him. I heard the bouncer ask him if I was fine - a male voice answered him reassuringly. "Yes, she's fine. We came with the same ride, I'll help her back home." And the bouncer mumbled something back at him, relieved to not have to be the one to take responsibility. But I could concentrate on only one thing: I had recognized the voice of the speaker who was holding me and leading me towards the dark parking lot. And the voice wasn't Edward's. Instead it was unpleasant and nasal. The recognizion made me panic again; but I felt utterly powerless to move myself, to resist, when he was pulling me away from the safety of other people. Panic flooded my mind even stronger every passing second - what was happening to me? Where was he taking me and why? His hands felt alien, unwelcome on my waist where they were supporting me. I already knew the answer to my questions, but couldn't admit it to myself. I couldn't think it, it was unspeakable.

I tried to fight but everything blackened in my eyes and I was gone, giving in to the waves of darkness that gladly pulled me under, devouring me.

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_Note: I am evil._

_Please review and let me know what you think! I will update soon. Promise._


	4. Two minutes

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in posting this super-short chapter. I didn't particularly enjoy writing this chapter due to its dark nature and tried to keep it quite short on purpose. The next chapter will be quite short as well but the one after that will be considerably longer AND more pleasant. If you are sensitive, you should skip this chapter and just wait for the next one, to be uploaded shortly!

Enjoy!

When I woke up everything was dark - I woke up into an all-consuming void of fear. It almost felt like the intensity of my fear was what had woken me up. I realized almost immediately that I couldn't have been out for long, but this thought didn't grant me relief. On the contrary. Now I would have to be awake through whatever it was that this stranger had planned to do with me. I was still leaning against him, but I could no longer hear the voices of people, nor could I see any lights. We were at the parking lot, which was empty. It was still too early for people to leave the party. He seemed to be carrying me towards the furthestmost corner of the lot. I still felt sick - so sick.

The next thing I realized was the sound of a car door opening - he pushed me in to the light of the interior. When I realized I was about to be locked inside the car I tried, with new strength, to escape. Like a frightened animal I grabbed the door and tried to kick him but it was like a child kicking an adult - I still had no power in my limbs. I cursed them, I cursed my own weakness, I cursed my bad luck and my stupidity. And more than anything I cursed my humanity.

He closed the door, and I fell backwards on the seat. It was the back seat, I realized. I was breathing rapidly, panic flooding my mind, filling my lungs, becoming the air I breathed. I couldn't see - it was too dark and my eyes were clouded by my tears. I was terrified of the moment he would come back. _This is how it's going to end,_ I realized._ This is how I'm going to die. I am going to be raped, I am going to be killed on the back seat of a stranger's car._ And the words I had tried to avoid until now screamed in my head: _raped, killed, murdered! raped, killed, murdered! raped, killed, murdered!_ so that I couldn't hear anything but my own mind, screaming. And then I realized it wasn't just my mind that was screaming - there was a scream erupting from my throat as well. It was weak, more like a cry than a scream. It would make no difference; no one would hear me in this empty parking lot. And still I couldn't stop screaming.

The door from the other side of the car opened and the horrifying stranger slid into the car. I felt his hand, hard and horny, shut my mouth.

_Edward, I love you. Edward, I love you!_

And I thought of his face, the way his lips curved when he smiled at me and the way his eyes were soft in the mornings when I woke up and snuggled closer to him. And I realized with pain that I would never see him again. It felt as if my heart was breaking. My last goodbye with him had been an argument: our last kiss had been one-sided. There had been no words of love there. _If I would have known, if I would have known!_ _I love you, Edward! You are my world!_ And an echo from long ago said those very words in my head, _his _words; words I would never hear again.

_You are my world!_

The man's breath reeked of alcohol on my face when he came closer in the cramped space of the car. His hand left my mouth and travelled lower, greedily grabbing my breast. I remembered - it was the same breast I had tricked Edward to cup just a few hours ago. Lifetimes ago. But this man's unfamiliar, unwelcome hand kept on travelling further, slipping underneath the fabric of my dress, pulling down my underwear. I was more terrified than I had ever been in my life. More horrified than I had been looking into the inhuman red eyes of James before he sprang at me - how strange that I should be more terrified of this human man than someone like him. And yet, my whole body was frigid, my mind locked, while he pulled the underwear off my legs. He was heavy on me, I felt like I couldn't breath.

His hand started travelling back upwards, and I knew where he would go; to a place where no man had ever laid his hand before. I felt dizzy from disgust and fear when it reached its destination. My mind was screaming at him to stop, screaming at myself for being unable to stop this from happening.

_No, no, NO!_ _You don't have the right, you can't, you CAN'T touch me there!_

I shut my eyes tight, closing my mind, trying to not think of the man's hand and where it was touching me. I thought of Edward - his lips, his hands, his eyes, his hair, his everything; everything that made him Edward. Everything that mattered. The only thing that mattered. The Edward in my head was frowning - he bared his teeth and snarled at the blackness around me. He wrapped his arms around me and kept the horrible things at bay, tearing my mind off of my body and the things that were happening to it. He snarled again.

"Edward." I was shocked to notice that my lips had actually formed the name out loud. The hand stopped, hesitating, surprised. It was too dark to see the stranger's face but I felt his stare on my face, so close. Too close.

"Edward," I said again. "Edward is going to..."

I couldn't continue - my throat was too dry.

"Shut up," the stranger said in a rough voice. "Shut up, bitch."

"Edward is going to tear... he's going to tear you apart," I choked out in a low voice. And I knew I was telling the truth -no matter how tonight would end, if I would survive or not - Edward would hunt down this stranger and tear him to pieces. The thought gave me some consolence. This feeble human could not harm Edward - I didn't need to fear for him. I could let him have his revenge.

"There will be not...nothing left of you after he finishes with you." And from my throat erupted a small, humourless laughter. The laughter was cut short by the stranger - he slapped me with all of his strength on my right cheek. My head hit the seat and I almost lost my consciousness again. He pressed me harder against the seat.

"Listen to me, you little whore. I don't want to know what you think your little teenage boyfriend is going to do to me. Because you know just as well as I do that he won't. And if you know what's best for you, you'll keep your pretty little mouth shut - at least until I find better use for it." I was nauseated by the smell of cigarettes and beer in his breath. He pinned me to the seat and pressed his entire body weight on me - I knew what was coming now, as he started opening the zipper of his trousers. I felt disgust, I felt sick to the core- but for some incomprehensible reason my fear had lessened. I shut my eyes, not wanting to see him - _that -_ while he was removing his trousers. My cheek was sore and I suddenly realized there was a cut on my lip - blood was dripping along my cheek to my neck and I could taste it in my mouth. I felt him move, shake himself. I tried not to think what he was doing. He lifted the hem of my dress, staring at my private parts. It felt so wrong, so incredibly wrong. I prepared myself when I felt him separate my legs, still staring.I squeezed my eyes tighter, licking the blood off my lips. The smell of it made me feel faint - I was encouraging it, welcoming the darkness, hoping it would take me away from this moment, this wrongness. But it never did.

Because then things happened so quickly my groggy mind didn't have the time to register what actually happened. First there was a loud sound, like something metallic tearing to pieces. There was a gush of fresh air invading the car. I opened my eyes but the sudden bright light from the car's ceiling made me blind and I lifted my hands to my face to shielf my eyes. The stranger screamed in horror and apparent pain. And then the loveliest, most welcome sound in the world filled my ears - a sound I would've recognized anywhere. It was the sound of Edward growling, the sound of it rumbling from deep within his chest. It was the sound of survival, the sound of safety. And he was angry, angrier than I had ever heard him before.

"Get your disgusting hands off of her!" And the weight of the stranger disappeared, suddenly I could breathe again. My eyes were getting used to the light and I looked at the scene in front of me. Edward had pinned the stranger against the front seat and the way he was glaring at him... for the first time he really looked like a monster. Like a vampire. His eyes were black as coal, the white skin of his face like stone, his teeth bared and so white, so sharp - his face was a pale mask of hate, like a devil staring out of the face of an angel. And I looked at the man he was holding by his throat - like a sad puppet he was hanging, his eyes wide with fear, his mouth an o of horror. He had removed his trousers and his organ was hanging pathetically out of his boxers - I quickly averted my eyes, feeling sick at the thought of that thing being forced into me.

"You have exactly two minutes before you will die. And you will not die painlessly." Edward spoke to the man with a low voice, spitting the words out. I tried to get up, my whole body shaking, still in shock. He turned his face towards me. His grimace disappeared for a moment but his eyes remained terrifying when he looked at me. "You shouldn't see what I intend to do to this scumbag, Bella."

I could only stare at him. I couldn't understand he was really there. I had thought I would never see him again, and the sheer beauty of his face mesmerized me - my love for him overwhelmed me. I couldn't even feel shame for the way I was exposed, at the moment I couldn't make myself care about anything else but the fact that he was really there. I felt hot tears escape my eyes, again. I raised a hand to my mouth and started sobbing uncontrollably.

"Oh, Edward. I thought I would never see you again." I cried into my hand, my words muffled and unclear.

There were so many other things I wanted to say to him, but couldn't. I wanted to thank him and I wanted to apologise. But the time just wasn't right. I felt his arms circle around myself, cold and strong - I was slightly startled, I hadn't expected him to come to me. And then I drew in a sharp breath, realizing what it meant: that the man was getting out of the car - he was already stumbling out, panting like a wild rabbit escaping its hunter. Edward tightened his hold on me.

"Shh, love. It's all right. I did promise him two minutes," he murmured into my hair, his hands making comforting motions on my back. I circled my arms around him and cried against him. I couldn't seem to open my fists that were clenched into a stone grip, even around him. I realized I was in shock; my entire body was shaking and I felt like I was dancing on the edge of passing out again. I felt his lips in my hair and his velvety voice kept on whispering for me, telling me that he loved me. I grasped at the sound of his voice, trying to keep myself from falling apart. And then I felt him gently lift me out of the car. It was dark again for a moment, but this time even the darkness felt safe.

He took me to his car that was parked sideways in the middle of the road, almost blocking the way of the exit; it was parked in an obvious haste. He opened the front door and laid me gently on the seat. I closed my eyes. The car felt like a safe haven; I let the familiar smell cradle me. It smelled like Edward. He brushed my cheek with his fingers, and I opened my eyes. His face was tender when he looked at me.

"I'm going to have to leave you here alone for a moment. Do you think you will be all right?"

I nodded - what wouldn't I have done for him? I didn't want him to leave me, even for a moment, but I knew he had something to do. For a moment I felt like stopping him - what did that man matter anymore, now that Edward was here? But then I realized what would happen if I did stop him. The man would just continue doing this to other girls, less fortunate girls. Girls who didn't have Edward to save them. And the Volturi would invade - there was evidence; the car door pulled out of its place, the horrified man who would be telling stories. It didn't really matter if people believed him or not; the word would travel. The Volturi would know.

And so I let him kiss my forehead and leave. Before he pulled himself out of the car he looked at me with somber eyes and I saw a shadow of the terrifying monster cross over his face when he whispered: "His two minutes are up."

And then he was gone.

Author's Note: Once again, my apologies for the shortness of this chapter.

I have nearly finished another Bella/Edward fic which will be a very long one-shot full of lemony goodness ;-) It will be uploaded within a couple of if you want to read about Edward and Bella making some sweet saucy love (and I know you do!) stay tuned to my fanfiction!

And PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW, your reviews are very much appreciated and they are what make me continue writing! 3


	5. Early morning

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight.**

**Author's Note: The last short chapter, I promise...**

My lip was hurting. My mind was groggy and slow and I decided to sleep for a while longer. The bed was warm and the sheets felt soft against my skin; I stretched my legs and dug deeper into the covers.

It was still dark. There was an odd nagging sensation in my head that told me to get up. I tried to ignore it. It felt like it sometimes does, when you have to wake up to do something unpleasant, like study for exams, and you know that once you wake up properly you won't have an excuse to put it off any longer. I tried to make myself fall back asleep but a part of my brain was already wondering what that unpleasant something might've been - did I need to study? Try to find applicable universities? Let Alice dress me up for some horrifying occasion? I turned to lie on my left side and there was a sharp pain on my jaw where it touched the pillow. And at that moment everything came back to me. My eyes flew open and I sat up abruptly, my heart beating fast, my eyes scanning the dark room for possible danger, my body bracing itself to flee if anything dangerous was detected.

"Shh, Bella. It's still early. You should sleep some more." I turned to look at the source of the voice and found Edward lying on the left side of me on the bed, on top of the bedcovers. The bed wasn't mine - but it wasn't his either. I looked around myself. We were apparently in a hotel room, judging from the decorations. I turned to look back at him, my heart still racing.

"Where are we?" I asked him. My voice sounded rasp and alien in my ears.

"Still in Seattle."

"Where are the other girls?" _And what happened?_ I wanted to add, but didn't.

"I went and looked for them inside the club. When I found them I made Angela drive them all back home. With any luck they should be home and asleep at this very moment. Not a bad idea for you either, Bella. It's only four thirty in the morning."

I was staring at him for a moment longer. Then I slowly lowered myself back on to the mattress. He encircled his arms around me and I snuggled close to him. I could hear his watch tick close to my ear, otherwise it was quiet in the room.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"What's wrong?"

I frowned. What did he mean?

"You're stiff as a stone and trying to tear my shirt to pieces. "

I realized I was hanging on to him like a drowning man to a piece of wood. I unclenched my frigid, bloodless fingers from his shirt and tried to relax my pose. He covered my hand tenderly with his and I felt his lips in my hair.

I waited him to say something, perhaps scold me for having been so careless and stupid or lecture me about the dangers of alcohol and clubbing, but he said nothing. Instead he just continued to caress my fingers gently and his nose rub against my hair. I felt tears rise up to my eyes again and blinked, trying to make them disappear. I held my breath, trying to stop the tears, the sobs. But of course that gave me away. He moved to look at me in the dark. Even when I couldn't see him properly he looked beautiful, his face pale and soft in the shadows. I didn't deserve him.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Bella. You know it makes me go mad to not know what you're thinking."

How could I begin to explain? I remembered thinking long ago, when he was away - the word I normally used in my head on those rare occasions that I let myself think about his long-term absence at all - that I was damaged goods, ruined from everybody else. Now I was even more damaged, damaged even for him. Someone else had tainted me. This perfect creature next to me would deserve someone who these things didn't happen to. Someone who would've been strong and smart enough to not get into a situation like the one I had gotten into last night. Instead of explaining all this to him I presented him with my previous unasked question.

"I was just wondering what actually happened last night... apart from the..." but I didn't finish my sentence - I knew he understood, his hand grasping mine almost painfully hard. My eyes were open, staring at his chest. He was quiet for a moment, holding me tight against him.

"Alice called me," Edward's voice sounded strange, as if he was trying his hardest to stay calm. "She told me she had seen someone following you. And she kept on seeing glimpses... something she said she would rather not tell me, just telling me to hurry. I was agitated after you left and had decided to go hunting..."

I waited for him to continue but he didn't. I couldn't help but to correct him.

"But no one followed us. We didn't even get into the club at first, we were outside for an eternity. We didn't meet...anybody... before we got in."

He laughed joylessly. "You stopped at a gas station right outside of Seattle, right?"

I was staring at him with my mouth open. He looked back at me, his eyes unreadable.

"What, you mean that..." but before I could finish my sentence I suddenly remembered seeing someone at the gas station. A man with dark hair, smoking a cigarette. And I remembered how the disgusting man later had looked a bit familiar. But was it possible that he had followed us all the way to the club?

Edward's expression was still strange. I reached out and touched his face, caressing the line of his jaw. He closed his eyes. Then he opened them again and spoke with a rougher voice than before.

"Halfway there Alice called me again. She said I should look for you at the parking time she told me... what was about to happen. There was something in the water you drank. I heard his thoughts - together with alcohol it would've made you pass out completely. So he waited until you went outside and followed you... and I arrived too late." His voice was full of regret now and his eyes avoided mine, looking down.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I said softly. He looked at me from underneath his long lashes, surprised. "I thought I was going to die... and I was only thinking of how I never said proper good byes to you. If that would've been your last memory of me..." I tried to swallow back tears but this time in vain: they felt hot on my cheeks when they brimmed over. My voice was broken when I tried to continue: "I thought I would never see you again... never hold you again."

"Don't say that, Bella, please," he begged me in a quiet tone of voice. "I can't bear to think..."

And he held me while I cried, kissing my hair, my hurting cheek - his fingers traced the painful bruise, stopping at my swollen lip, relieving the pain with his cold touch. He let me hold him in a way that would've been painful to a human - I moulded myself to him, wanting to never let go. He started humming softly, caressing my hair and my shoulders. And at some point, while he was humming my lullaby in a quiet, velvety voice, I fell back asleep, letting my body finally relax.

**Author's Note: Please leave a review and I welcome suggestions how to continue with this story. I have been busy writing two new fanfic, "Thoughts and Actions" (which is completed) and "Yellow" which I begun writing this morning and have written maniacally for hours now. I have only uploaded the first chapter but have in fact already finished four... so please R&R those two as well! :-)**


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